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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
Topics:
Eating
,
Funny
,
Radio
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
P. G. Wodehouse
Topics:
Funny
,
Haircut
,
Look
Cure for an obsession: get another one.
Mason Cooley
Topics:
Another
,
Funny
,
Get
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney
Topics:
Funny
,
Love
,
More
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck
Topics:
Funny
,
Gift
,
Giving
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
Topics:
Fake
,
Funny
,
Plants
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
E. B. White
Topics:
Funny
,
Great
,
Time
What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.
Christopher Fry
Topics:
Clean
,
Funny
,
More
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan
Topics:
Cure
,
Funny
,
Sit
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
Topics:
Funny
,
Getting
,
Government
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